the uniform's heart: a tale of the heart clothed in the khaki

THE UNIFORM’S HEART I left the base as early as 5am and followed the military hilux that was reporting to Jos that morning from my base in Kaduna. I have to make use of this weekend to have fun since I have no idea when another break will come knocking, when I say break I mean a less busy weekend. I am paying Tunde a surprise visit since the plan was to just show up at his door and having him scream guuuuuuy!!! The thought of this sent smiles to my lips. You might want to ask who Tunde is and who I am. Well Tunde is my long time friend and luckily the only friend I can wind down my worries to. My name is Panshak Madu, Tunde and I had attended the Command day secondary school Jos and were classmates since our first year in senior secondary, Tunde later furthered to the university to study film making while I proceeded to the Nigerian Defense Academy, now an officer with the Nigerian military and have served for 6years and still counting. Anytime we are in town Tunde and I never forget to turn up like ever. I got to Jos by 8am but decided to drop by my family house, the idea was to say hi and pass but mom would not let me go unless I eat her special meal, she misses me, she never liked the idea of me being in the military as she feels the nation will only miss another person but she will lose a child, her world if I get killed I later stayed behind for almost three hours and then zoomed off to Tunde’s place. At exactly 1pm there I was standing and knocking on Tunde’s door, he pulled it open and with a shout he yelled “SHARK!!” I could see the excitement on his face and trust me it was real. I moved inside and behold that nigga was not alone; I mean this guy stays alone, he’s established but haven’t gone into another relationship since his last relationship, holy Moses!! I exclaimed seeing the beauty to behold sitting on the sofa. Hi I am Panshak, I said stretching my hand for a hand shake since I cannot wait for Tunde to do the needful. She received my palm with a smile and said something faintly. The smoothness in her palm felt slippery and Tunde could not help but laugh at my looks knowing I didn’t hear what she said, he saved me by saying she’s Suzan and she is his friend. I gave him the ‘I don’t know this friend of yours’ look and he read my face and said she’s actually a new friend. I found my way to the fridge knowing I cannot lose my way in getting something to wash my throat. I later left for the bedroom to allow them have their time as I settled for a movie and pack of pop corn. We talked after she left and he said she is a friend whom he doesn’t feel a thing for, I asked that he connect us since I like her personality, trust me I am just like Tunde and have no room for relationships, and I only wanted to be a friend. The weekend came to an end and I had to return to base, I forgot to get her number again o but then Tunde sent it on whatsApp not without asking for her permission though which she did. I messaged her, introduced myself and we got talking, she is actually a nice lady and I never had a dull moment talking to her, she is actually a writer, she writes for this online blog hence she was always online. Not only is this lady beautiful, she has the brain of about half the planet and is also a humanitarian. Hours turned to days and days to week, I often forget I was at work and get carried away with the melodies that come from chatting with her, I already made plans of going down to Jos and hanging out with her, could it be that I am gradually falling in love? On one of our into the night chat I made a shocking discovery about her beliefs after I had asked her of her beliefs and thoughts on marrying a military man, Suzan had confessed how she does not like the military and feel they are nothing but scums, she also said horrible thing about the military, now here is the thing I really do like my job and the opportunity I get to be among the few that Is going to change the mindset of people concerning the military. Yes there are bad eggs in the military but every profession has these set of people why will she want to amplify the bad eggs in the military? I got really pissed off but could not show it as I managed to maintain the energy in the chat. I could not sleep that night as I kept wondering if I should kill the feelings already developing or still shoot my shots as I haven’t fell this way about any lady in a long while. I called Tunde that night and as he picked the first thing he said was “guy how far you dey peace keeping ne?” I wanted to burst out with a laugh but couldn’t as the thing on my mind was heavier, peace keeping missions is a part of the military that Tunde hated because he feels we turn to monsters when we return, another myth,most importantly he hates to think I will die. hey I am not sure Tunde is the right person to talk to right now but then he always has a way out so I will rather talk to him. “guy howfar” I said faintly and he replied saying I was silent for too long and he had no issues as he was only helping me waste my airtime, Tunde was still awake at a shoot, ‘one film to another kind of Tunde’. I told him of the things Suzan had said about the military, things such as the men are women beater except they see a beautiful lady who is not their lady yet, they are cheats and cannot stick to one woman, they are never faithful especially when they stay away from their women, they have an exaggerated anger issues, and most are rapists, the one I had issues with is that we do not tolerate cheating and can kill if our partner cheats on us, haaah that is too much na. Immediately my mouth went shut I got to realize Tunde was already laughing real hard, haba na guy. I don’t know when I joined him and we all laughed together, Tunde assured me that it is only normal among people and that is what most people depict the military personnel as- ‘monsters’. He finally got to find out that I liked Susan and it is part of the reasons I am pissed with how she sees my profession. He asked me to just be patient and calm she will see the difference real soon. See as my friend dey yarn English anyhow ooo. I never knew he could be this sensible. We continued communicating online and she shared most of her life stories with me even the most private. I later went to Jos for an event and since I had the liberty I took her along with me, we talked, had fun and I really felt like kissing her but couldn’t so she don’t say military men are opportunists again. I went back to Kaduna but every piece of me was still in Jos with Suzan I slept off every night thinking of how majestic her lips were and how soft it will be holding her waist and walking down to forever with her. How beautiful it will be going home to her warm embrace every night and how my children will love to call her ‘mother’. I woke up one morning with a trend online and newsflash reading that there is a nationwide protest of the youths agitating for an end to a police division called special anti robbery squad, the hashtags and placards read; #ENDSARS, #ENDPOLICEBRUTALITY,#ENDBADGOVERNANCE,#SAYNOTOCORRUPTION. There were just too many hashtags and everything looks like there was more to the agitations and finally the youth of this nation have finally opened their eyes, a lot of videos were online of a ‘pro sars’ campaign and everything had gone violent from vandalistion of warehouses and an attack in Lekki Toll Gate, a peak point of the protest and everything could be traced to the military, I was really angry and everything felt tight, the only thing that made sense and helped was my chats with Suzan and how sensible she was in helping me stay away from the things online, my friendship with her grew beyond bounds but I still could not express how I feel. Days went by and one evening Suzan came to my DM to tell me she was sick and when I asked what was wrong she said she had hepatitis, she wasn’t on medication and when I asked her why, she told me she had emptied her savings to sign up for a training since the ASUU strike was nowhere near being called off so she could complete her degree program. I wanted helping but the myth she believed in about military men getting women by showing off their money hindered me; I asked that she borrowed or ask her family for help. “I really do wish I had asked Tunde to give her, I wish I had told her how I felt and we spent time together maybe just maybe I could have sent her money without she thinking I was trying to get her”. I asked that she take care of herself and we talk in the morning as I have to be on duty that night. Immediately I got to my apartment at the base camp, I checked my phone and saw that I had missed 9 calls from Tunde, I couldn’t call him back as I decided to do so after a bath, I wasn’t ready for a long gist from him. Immediately I got out of the bathroom, my phone rang, I replied jokingly ‘guy howfar I steal your kidney?’ he didn’t reply and I repeated myself, the first thing he said was that she’s dead, I asked who was dead as my heart sank and I sat slowly on the bed, he repeated “Susan is dead”.